Sep 082011
 
·    A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”
·    “That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”
·    “He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr
·    “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill
·    “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” – Clarence Darrow
·    “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
·    “Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas
·    “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain
·    “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends..” – Oscar Wilde
·    “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
·    “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second …. if there is one.” -  Winston Churchill, in response.

·    “I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” – Stephen Bishop
·    “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright
·    “I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb
·    “He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” – Samuel Johnson
·    “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating
·    “In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” – Charles, Count Talleyrand
·    “He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker
·    “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark Twain
·    “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West
·    “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde
·    “He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.” – Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
·    “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy Wilder
·    “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening.  But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx 

  One Response to “Humor — Insults Without Four-Letter Words”

  1. Mrs. So and So”, says Churchill at a dinner party, ” You are ugly”. “And you Mr. Churchill are drunk!” “That may be but in the morning I’ll be sober and you’ll still be ugly.” I always loved the speeches of Churchill. My hero. skip.

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